Our Pastor is teaching on “Offenses and Fences,” which got me thinking about a quote I read that rings true: “We judge ourselves on our intentions and others on their actions.”

It’s impossible to understand another person’s intentions truly. Our perspective and actions develop using several factors, including our personal experiences.

And friend, our personal experiences are so varied. Not only that, but how we react to those experiences is unique.

You know what I have discovered? Fear is more often than not the foundation for my harsh tongue, poor decisions, inability to move forward, and bitterness that tries to settle in my heart.

I believe we will all find it helpful to examine our feelings more deeply and ask, “What do I fear?” when our actions are unhealthy.

Here are a few possibilities:

Fear of:

1. Being misunderstood, lonely, and having close relationships — Rejection/Abandonment
2. Performing poorly, unable to support ourselves or family, not being perfect (pursuit of perfectionism) — Failure.
3. Lack of control — The Unknown
4. Physical pain and sickness, what happens after death — Death

These are just a few of our feelings that might illuminate what fear is at the root.

Scripture addresses these fears head-on. Let’s look at a few:

“Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close.” Psalms 27:10

“… He will neither fail you nor abandon you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

“No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:39

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

“The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand.” Psalm 37:23-24

“But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was crushed for our wickedness [our sin, our injustice, our wrongdoing]; The punishment [required] for our well-being fell on Him, And by His stripes (wounds) we are healed.” Isaih 53:5 AMP

Here’s one I clung to when I was very ill: “…The heartfelt and persistent prayer of a righteous man (believer) can accomplish much [when put into action and made effective by God—it is dynamic and can have tremendous power].” James 5:16 AMP

Realizing that there is a lot under the surface of your spouse, friend, or even the Walmart checker’s behavior helps us have more compassion. Goodness, realizing what’s under the surface of our actions will make such a difference in our lives.

I’m not talking about excusing bad behavior but about offense prevention. Why? Because harboring offense leads to bitterness, which leads to an unhealthy you in so many ways.

Although we can’t know everyone’s intentions, we can offer the benefit of the doubt more often.