Dear Me…Letter To My Younger Self {Katina Brown}

Letters To My Younger Self Series Pic

Katina’s letter brings us to number four in our series – Dear Me…Letter To My Younger Self – a birthday celebration for me. Katina and her family have been dear friends of ours for 25+ years. We attended church together and I consider them family. Now that she is all grown up, I don’t get to see her often but I get to enjoy her new blog that is so full of wisdom on parenting. She writes with such wit and humor. Her Mom, Teresa, is one of the best storytellers I know and Katina has definitely inherited that talent. She has a beautiful smile and a beautiful spirit. I am so proud of the godly woman she has become. Katina represents Generation Y.

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Dear Katina,

I see you sitting there in your cold cinder blocked junior high classroom. You’re scanning the room, looking for the teacher, and trying oh-so-hard to seem like you aren’t trying. (As a matter of fact, you will spend much of the next few years doing just that; trying to not try.) You find the teacher, his head down, searching a filing cabinet. The paper is folded, folded again, and again… a star. Your hands working fast and pressing the edges until it’s just right.

“Psssst, pssssst, can you pass this for me.”

“To whoooo?” the boy asks with a big dimpled smirk.

You roll your eyes, “You know who. Hurry!”

“Whatever,” he huffs as your note begins its journey across the classroom.

The note finally reaches its destination, an adorable, dark complected, blonde headed football player. He reads the note and laughs out loud. (I mean that literally, not ‘LOL’.) He begins to write back. You watch as he folds his own cool fold, a football, of course. Then, the note heads your way.

You open the football and immediately let out a giggle. (He’s so bad!) The teacher looks up and clears his throat. Your eyes get big, you stare down at the paper holding your breath…. The teacher opens another drawer. Whew! Mama would have killed you. You finish reading the note and reply with one word, “Yes.”

After cheerleading practice, you rush home, head to your room, pick up your pig shaped phone, and call that football player.

“Hey, you ready?”

“Yep,” he says.

“Ok, 37 right?”

“Yep.”

That was it. The first night you experienced this cool new channel…MTV. (Of course, it was only new to the kids who lived in the middle of nowhere.) You and ‘Blonde Football Player’ watch video after video talking about the songs and the artists. You stare at the screen as Kurt Cobain wails out “Where Did You Sleep Last Night”… Look at your face! So silly and dumbstruck. Oh my, I can almost smell the CK1 (aka teen spirit) coming from your rapidly moving pulse.

Both of you, sit there talking…wondering… How can I be that cool? Quit washing my hair? Stop eating? He looks so tortured… that Kurt. He looks awesome.

Katina's Letter

Too bad he is already dead. I don’t think you even know that…Katina, he is dead. That’s how stupid you are. Wanting to be this depressed, thin, heroin addict. You don’t even know what heroin is! Is this a generational thing? This desire to be dark, to live outside of society. It is everywhere. In the music, in the movies, and in your junior high halls.

Whatever.

I don’t care.

I’m not worried about it.

Let me tell you something, dear 13-year-old Katina. You don’t have to be that person. Please, show you care! Don’t try so hard to be hard. You want to be good, so be good.

You will be sitting at a computer one day (Not a Gateway). Your three babies will blissfully sleep in the next room as you write a letter to yourself. You no longer pretend to not care. How can you? You love those little things so much. You shamelessly care about every second of every day.

Sadly enough, that beautiful blonde football player will be buried, taken away by the darkness that plagued all of you. Tears will run down your face as you listen to Smashing Pumpkins’ “Bullet With Butterfly Wings” on Pandora. (It’s awesome, Pandora.) You’re going to think about what you could’ve done to save him and so many others like him.

What was wrong with us?

I don’t know what to tell you except the same advice I would give myself today, Strive to be the light, not the dark. Don’t live in torment. Cast your cares on him.

And, for goodness sakes… quit rolling your eyes. Hug your granny and ask her lots of questions. Give your parents a break. Be kind to your youth pastors and make your ‘partners in crime’ be kind too. Love your little brother and be a good example. Stop the foolishness. Have fun. BE GOOD!

Love,

Katina

kbrown bio picKatina recently left a glamorous life of grading papers and policing recess to pursue a much more exciting career as a stay at home mama. She and her husband, Josh, have been married for almost fourteen years, and have three lovely, spirited children who she says drives them crazy. Her writing experience consists of junior high notes, bad high school poetry, and her new little blog.  A visit to her place will warm your heart and bring a laugh as she shares on parenting and relationships. You will find her at www.thebootstatemama.com

Other Post in the Dear Me Series…

Dear Me…Letter To My Younger Self {Carmen Horne}

Dear Me…Letter To My Younger Self {Kristi Woods}

Dear Me…Letter To My Younger Self {Cookie Walter}

Linking with…Holly Barrett’s Testimony Tuesday, Kelly Balarie’s #raralinkup, Susan Mead’s #DanceWithJesus Friday

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15 Comments

  1. Lovely letter, Katina! Isn’t it crazy how we all try to find the perfect fit for our teenaged selves? And we’ll look nearly anywhere to find that fit, like your blonde-haired football friend? So sad. Girl, I’m thankful you’re on His path now, that you’ve found your fit in Jesus. Sweet. :-) Carmen, I’m loving these letters more and more. You go, girl.

    1. Thank you! I truly loved reading your letter as well! It’s hard for me to even remember my crazy teenage self! I am so thankful for God’s mercy!

  2. Katina, this is a lovely post. You capture the essence of a generation here and point them to God! This is a message my kids need. (They’re older now that you were in this story, but they feel the same things.) :-)

  3. Katina, this is fantastic! I SOOO related to your story (only my junior high years were a little further back than yours.) But I’ve thought often about what I would tell my younger self, and I would try to convince that tough-girl to be kind instead of harsh, thoughtful instead of cold. Your words spoke volumes to my heart today. Thank you so much for sharing:)

    1. Junior high was really complicated! Ugh! I’m glad I made it out in one piece! Thank you for the kind comment! I would definitely tell the younger me to be kinder!

  4. I have only met Katina a few times. When you meet her and she smiles you can instantly tell she has the sweetest spirit about her. I had the pleasure meeting her husband through basketball at WO where he coached my son all 4 years of high school. They are truly a godly family and great people. Keep writing your stories Katina for the are great. Some have me cry and some have me laugh until I cry. They are truly awesome. I always look forward to your newest blog.

    1. This is so sweet! Thank you very much! Y’all are wonderful people! Oh, and Josh misses those boys!

  5. I well remember the 13 year old Katina, and also the young handsome football player that didn’t live to be able to write a letter to his younger self.
    I am Katina’s mother, I am so proud of the amazing lady my daughter has become!
    Keep sharing Katina, your words could help change lives.