Do you ever feel like your sparkle is dull? Sometimes I can’t even believe I have a sparkle. July 25th was my Mom’s first birthday in heaven. Sitting in my view is a little sign I bought her that says, “Don’t ever let anyone dull your sparkle.” I can only imagine she is filling heaven with hers. 

When she died a few months ago I started the craziness of thinking about how much time I have left on this earth – I have more time behind me than I have before me. Y’all, that can be depressing. I wish I could say it was great motivation to get on with…everything. It has been sort of motivation but it also makes me sad. 

So let’s be honest, we’ve all heard the saying, “I want to go to heaven, but I don’t want it to be today.” I know one of Mom’s thoughts were,”I didn’t think my work here was finished. I am still needed.” I know, because she told me this very thing shortly after getting her diagnosis and prognosis. There was no good answer because I could see her point. 

When those kinds of feelings overwhelm us, we get to practice taking our thoughts captive. See, we think those kinds of thought from our earthly perspective. There are so many things to miss about this side of heaven. Familiar. Comfortable in a kinda uncomfortable way. We get to see, feel, hear those that we love. OK, I’m starting to get nostalgic and I’m still here!

What will I do with this second part of life? What will you do?

I’m working on getting over myself. 

I fool myself into thinking that I don’t have tons of that wrong kind of pride in my life. Then…I think about what I don’t like about my picture, or me on video, or how my writing is not as good as that other writer or…a thousand other things that are all about me. There’s where my sparkle goes. No one else needs to dull my sparkle. I can take care of that all by myself, thank you. 

God has filled us with enormous potential. He believes in us. We hear it. All. Of. The. Time. When will we get about changing our perspective on our capabilities? When will we get over ourselves and realize our abilities are tied to the Great Creator, the Great Communicator, the Great Redeemer of our faults and inadequacies. 

I’m writing more. I’m writing that workbook/study that I have been stirring around my plate for a while like it is kale or brussel sprouts. Like, I’m not truly sold on its goodness. 

I’m thinking more about video. If I could get over the part about my hair needing to look good (not perfect because I accepted a long time ago that’s not happening. I’m just glad I have some.)

I’m trying to beat the devil back (and let me tell you, he’s relentless) and believe that God will use any of us that will just say as Samuel did, “Speak, Lord for your servant is listening.” He decided long before He created Adam that He would use us. I don’t get it. I have asked Him, “Why did You think this was the best way? Using us?” Y’all, He picked us. 

What have you been knowing for a while that God has called you to do? What is it that you have made more about you and your abilities, ignoring (I would say forgetting, but we haven’t forgotten. We know. We ignore.)  your knowledge of who God is and how He equips?

Y’all, we have got to get over ourselves. 

Lord, we pray You never stop calling our name. We are so thankful for Your patience. We want to be Samuel, but sometimes we end up like Saul – hiding in a basket. Pull us out. Give us the courage to be obedient to Your call. Hold our hand. Fix our hair. Give us words to say, and when we mess it all up, anoint their ears and eyes and hearts to hear only You.  In the mighty name of Jesus, amen