Wait! Before you say anything…{Guest Post}
My dear friend Sabra places salve on the wounds of hurt and pain in marriage everyday. Her and her husband, David, are following the call of God on their life as they pour nourishment and encouragement into hearts that beat for each other in marriage. They remind us that we can have a loving, passionate marriage. Enjoy her words today….
It was all set to be a romantic evening at home with my sweetheart. I had been working all day and looked forward to some quiet time with my husband. It started so well. And then it quickly went downhill…
He said just a few words I didn’t want to hear, and feelings of frustration and anger immediately spewed out of my mouth with such force it was like dousing a candle flame with a firehose. Needless to say, what was to be a wonderful evening turned into a soggy mess of silence, tension, and regret.
Have you been there?
Our feelings can quickly get us into trouble, and the words we say become like daggers to the heart, hurting the one we love most and ruining what could be sweet times together.
Proverbs 12:18 says: “There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”
My words that day were like a sword thrust into my husband’s heart. My feelings of anger came from a selfish desire to have things go my way. I was thinking only of myself and not of the need behind my husband’s words. I wasn’t expressing love, and I wasn’t being lovable.
If I had only kept my mouth closed and listened to everything my husband had to say, I might have heard the Holy Spirit speak to my heart and fill it with compassion and understanding. Then I could have spoken with words of wisdom and love—words of healing.
James 1:19-20 says: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.” (Boy, do I need to memorize this verse!)
When negative emotions start to rise, and we’re tempted to lash out, that’s the time to listen, to be silent at first, and to pray for wisdom. Allowing God to calm our spirit and guide our response will bring healing through words of love and grace.
A good guideline for speaking is found in Ephesians 4:29: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
Feelings of frustration and anger are bound to come. But they don’t have to come out our mouths. Instead, let’s follow these biblical commands to guide our hearts and words to be full of love and grace:
- Keep your mouth closed.
- Listen with an open heart.
- Pray silently for understanding, love, and compassion.
- Then, speak only beneficial words to build up your husband, according to his needs.
If I had a do-over on our romantic evening to be and had followed these steps, I bet that flame would have become a roaring fire instead of a soggy, extinguished mess.
As always, God’s ways are best!
May He fill all your words with love and grace,
Sabra
Sabra Penley loves the Lord Jesus and strives to bring Him glory each day, although she’ll tell you most days she falls short. She’s married to her sweetheart, David, and they have two grown kids. Sabra takes life one day at a time and finds joy in the details.
Love this post, Sabra! Thank you for sharing, Carmen. This is an area where we can all use a little improvement, especially me:) Blessings!
I agree Kristine. Sabra did a wonderful job of shining the light on a weak area for most of us. I sure am glad you stopped by.
I saw myself so clearly as I read your post … Too often I have vented my selfishness and frustration with hurtful words. Thankfully, my husband is incredibly forgiving. I don’t deserve him. These are words I need to take to heart. Thanks so much, Sabra.
You’re so right, Sabra… to hear these things is never a pleasure, but we need to listen instead of attacking because of being hurt. If it wasn’t so difficult…
What a blessing to share on your blog today, Carmen! Thank so much, sweet friend!
Oh Sabra, it has been my pleasure. Thank you!
Just shared on FB, but can’t seem to tag you girls on my FaithSpillingOver page! :-)
Sabra, this short post packs a punch! So wise and true that frustration and anger may come, but they don’t have to come out of our mouths!!!!
I’ve also ruined what could have been a good time with my husband in the same way you describe. SO easy to do. I need a muzzle probably to be able to listen, pray, understand and speak life. :-) Hopefully I’m not SO rebellious that I actually need a muzzle, but it feels like it sometimes!
Ha! Maybe not an actual muzzle, but it would make a great visual to bring to mind! I’ll have to remember that. It’s a process…learning process. Thanks so much, Betsy.
Sabra, I can so relate to this. I have been there numerous times, and often it’s my tone more than my actual words that gets me into trouble. Thank you for reminded us that when those feelings come, we don’t have to immediately react. We can follow the wise instruction in James and be “quick to listen, slow to speak.” With the Spirit’s help, we can do this. :-) Thanks for sharing here today. Blessed by your words.
Good point, Abby. Our tone can pack as much punch as our words can. Even our facial expressions. I guess the most important thing is what’s in our heart. And I’m thankful God is working always working on that. Thanks so much for your comments. Blessings.
Sabra, this was so beautiful, and oh, so true! I loved this, and intend to put it into practice: Allowing God to calm our spirit and guide our response will bring healing through words of love and grace.
It’s one of those things I’m having to practice and practice and practice some more, Ellen. Hopefully someday I’ll come to find that being quiet and listening is my default and not my override! So thankful for the Holy Spirit’s continual work in us! Thank you, sweet friend!
It’s so true, Melanie–men think differently than we do! And so often I expect my husband to feel the same way I do about things. Thanks for your comment and sweet words of encouragement.
Such wise, sage advice sweet Sabra – I love – “Listen with an open heart” – So many times I just don’t stop and think about his perspective. Men are so different in so many ways than we women – several times I have come to realize – when we differ – he has no clue what he has done because he meant no intentional harm. lol Thank you for a timely piece friend – your words flow effortless with such wisdom and insight!