Divorce Isn’t The End Of The Story…
“Rash language cuts and maims, but there is healing in the words of the wise.” Proverbs 13:18, MSG
I love sharing stories of my childhood. Our adult daughter is now sharing stories about her childhood. Sometimes I remember them the way she does but other times, I don’t recognize the story or even me in the story. Each of us perceives events, even the same event, through the filter of our own life experience. That cloudy view made hazy by age, gender, personality and even hurt and misunderstanding.
Recently as I was working on a lesson in my life coaching course, Sandra Dopf Lee, B.S., Instructor for AACC, mentioned a question that she often asks couples or individuals she is coaching through the divorce process. “What do you want for your children? What do you want your children to say about their childhood when they are 35-40?” I’m a child of divorce so those questions just stopped me and I began to think…
Divorce ends marriages but it never ends parenting our children together. For the rest of our lives, we will be parents. Holidays, birthdays, school functions, hospital visits, teacher conferences, weddings and grandbabies…we will co-parent.
How do we want our children to tell the story of their childhood? You might be thinking it’s too late. My children are grown. It’s never to late to work on restoring our hearts. It could take something as simple as saying, I’m sorry. I didn’t handle our family going through our divorce well. I said, did, behaved in hurtful ways. Please forgive me. True sorrow can begin the healing process beautifully. Do some research. Be a blood hound, uncovering resources, to help preserve the health of your family.
My hope and prayer is that this will be the day we begin to be intentional about writing our family’s story in a positive way. May I pray for you?
Dear Lord, Our hearts are hurting and our actions and words have reflected that pain – sometimes in ugly ways. Please forgive us for our harsh words, actions and attitudes that have damaged those we love. Give us the strength to change and the boldness to ask those we love to forgive us where we have messed up. We want our family’s story to be one of that reflects love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. We may not all live together in one house but our hearts cry is for our children to be healthy and whole. Take the brokenness of our family and make something beautiful out of our pain. Thank you Lord for Your love and patience with us. Thank you for walking with us every step of the way. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen
Linking with other writers at Purposeful Faith-#raralinkup, Holly Barrett-Testimony Tuesday, Intentionally Pursuing-Intentional Tuesday
Carmen, this is such an important post about a topic the church hesitates to address because, after all, it shouldn’t exist. But it does! Thanks for addressing it in a life-giving way.
I thank and praise the Lord because even though my parents divorced, they made every effort to cooperate as parents. My dad made the choice to get an apartment very near our house, and one of my brothers lived with him. We saw him often. Such a gift.
Carmen, it’s amazing how we remember things differently based on our own experiences. But it’s never too late to draw a line in the sand and write a new story. Thank you, Carmen, for an encouraging word and sharing your heart at #IntentionalTuesday on Intentionally Pursuing. : )
Always glad to visit with you Crystal. Thanks for stopping by to encourage me. Blessings!
Beautiful post, Carmen! I think this will encourage and inspire many! Thanks for sharing with us at #RaRaLinkup today!
That was my prayer as I clicked publish Angela. Lord use these words to encourage hope and change. Glad you stopped by. Blessings!
Beautifully written, Carmen. :)
It is interesting to hear the stories that they remember, and like you, sometimes they aren’t ones that registered with my memory at all. I also love sharing stories with them about things that they did and said when they were too young to remember…filling their “memory” banks with treasures from the filter of another kind of experience…their life through their mother’s eyes.
Lovely post, Carmen. Thanks for sharing.
Visiting you from the Intentional Tuesday linkup today.
Have loved getting to know you through Compel. :)
((hug))
Love this Brenda, “filling their “memory” banks with treasures from the filter of another kind of experience…their life through their mother’s eyes.” Oh yes what a treasure our memories are. Thanks for stopping by my Compel friend!
Hi Carmen! Popping in today via #raralinkup and, well, because it’s always a joy to land here. :-) I hope our children will be able to recall many good memories in their older years. In the midst of those and every day life, I pray they have a deep-seeded knowledge that they are loved. I think your post will resonate with many. xo
Thank you sweet Kristi for those wonderful wishes for my family. Our girl is such a blessing. She is kind and doesn’t remind us too often of our mess-ups :) Glad you visited friend.
It’s funny Carmen, we are neighbors today on #RaRa link up and my post is on marriage and yours, divorce. Yes, children have a totally different view through their filter sometimes than we do! My daughter just recalled a story from her childhood and I didn’t remember it that way at all! But yes, divorced parents are still parents and it’s so important to focus on that. I’ve a friend that is going through a divorce after 34 years of marriage and her children are all grown. But her husband has been out to lunch on parenting all these years, even before the divorce. Sad, but it’s all in what your focus will be, and parenting is so, so very important.
Thanks for your wise words today.
Ruthie I am so sorry to hear that about your friends family. I know she must have had many days she just didn’t think she could go on. My heart goes out to her. Lord encourage Ruthie’s friend tonight. Send her peace and return her joy. Fill her lonely days with good friends, family and most important, You. Thank you Jesus, Amen. Thanks for stopping by.
Thank you, Carmen. Blessings!
Hi Carmen! How fun that you are taking a Life Coaching class…that has to help you in so many ways, on your way to helping others!
I think I would want my children to talk about how they were loved and protected as children. Who knows what they would really say? I think it’s true that some things that looked so small can be very big in the eyes of a child. And vice versa too.
Thank you for your prayer for all of us. May you be blessed on your daily journey.
Your neighbor at #RaRa Linkup,
Ceil
Ceil I am just thrilled to be able to follow this call of Life Coaching. I’m not quite sure where God will use it but I know He has plans. Kids and childhood stories are baffling to parents. I know they are to me! So glad you stopped by friend. You have encouraged me.