The Blame Game Can Be Deadly
Sometimes it seems as if the odds are stacked against us. Have you ever said, “This is just who I am or how I was raised.”? Struggling with a habit or behavior that is hard to change is so frustrating.
We’ve all heard the statistics – abuse victims are more likely to abuse, children of alcoholics are more likely to become alcoholics and obesity tends to run in families. I am a child of divorced parents and the predictions for my marriage are grim. Our family of origin and the behavior displayed while we were growing up seems to make a big difference in our own behavior. If we were raised in a very dysfunctional home that can be disheartening.
Does being male, and witnessing your dad beat your mom, make you destined to abuse your own wife? If like me many of your extended family were or are alcoholics including your dad, do we resign ourselves to being an alcoholic? I sure hope not.
I’m not educated enough in the area of environment versus genetics to argue the point one way or another. What I want us to realize today is that we can change. We are not destined to be abusers, drunks, obese, die of heart attacks or automatically become diabetics. Mine and Lary’s marriage was not doomed from the beginning. These things are lies of Satan. Tyler Perry’s Mr. Brown says it so well, “The devil is a lie.”
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11 NLT
Our lives can be different. We can be the game changer in our family. Dr. Chris Thurman writes in The Lies We Believe, “We choose our emotions and actions whether we realize it or not. No one can force a feeling on us or force us to act a certain way. To think otherwise is to be irresponsible, to place responsibility for our lives in the hands of every person and event life throws at us. The blame game is one of the deadliest games we can play. If we want our lives back, the game must stop.” (emphasis mine)
Maybe you are thinking that most of your family died with heart disease and you already know how you will leave this world. Genetics may be involved but we can choose to eat better, take our medicine as we should , stop smoking and exercise. If I never take one drink of alcohol, I am sure to avoid being an alcoholic. I just stacked the odds in my favor.
God has wonderful plans for us and we don’t have to live defeated as if we have no control over how we live our lives. Self-control is one of the fruits of the Spirit. Will it be easy to change? Well, it never is for me. Almost every time I have changed any thing, the catalyst seems to be pain and discomfort.
Ex husbands are not the problem, co-workers are not the problem, our mommas and daddys are not the problem. Let’s take control back of our emotions and actions. If we are born again, saved by grace through Jesus Christ, we have the Holy Spirit to empower us to do different, be different, feel different. Our minds can be renewed. I love how Romans 12:1-2 reads in The Message:
So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.”
Let’s ask ourselves some questions. What do we need to change in our lives to be healthier spiritually, mentally and/or physically? Do we live our lives as if our past (our family or our past behaviors) controls our future? We decide our actions. The responsibility for change lies square in our laps.
Lord, will you help us change? We give our temper, way of eating, attitudes, our ____________ (you fill in the blank with your “thing”) to You. Empower us Holy Spirit to do the hard work. In the mighty name of Jesus, amen.
Linking up today with Suzie Eller #livefree Thursday, Susan Mead, #DanceWithJesus Friday, Barbie Swihart, The Weekend Brew and Bonnie, Faith Barista
Carmen, beautiful words as always, sweet sister. And I’m so glad to see someone #BlogItForward and link up this post on the inspirational linkup this month:
http://kimstewartinspired.com/2015/04/06/april-blessareader/
Have a great day!
Wow, that is so kind of someone to do that. The #BlogItForward idea is an encouraging one for all of us little blog writers. Just pecking along. Thanks friend!
Such a great post Carmen. My father was an alcoholic, and while I had my fair share of the drink as a teen, I have pretty much freed myself for the need for any alcohol. And my grandmother suffered from two types of cancer. I choose to believe that this disease stopped with her. I shall walk wholly healed all of my days.
Yes ma’am Barbie. You are an overcomer! Thanks for sharing friend.
My grandparents on both sides were terrible alcoholics. My mother was abused most of her young life and my father ended up living on his own at 13, driving himself to school on his go-cart. My father also suffered from PTSD after serving overseas. As far as statistics go, they were textbook candidates for continuing the cycle of abuse and addiction. BUT, I can proudly say by the grace of God, they decided that they wanted a better life for themselves and CHOSE not to follow down those same paths. Just from personal experience, I believe there are a lot of things that are hereditary but I believe that behaviors can be changed as long as you’ve got the determination to be better and when you mess up, you take responsibility for it. That’s part of what’s wrong with the world now, no one wants to be at fault for anything. Great post!!
Tiffany I love your testimony. Wow, your parents are definitely game changers! And, they instilled in you the notion that we are responsible for our actions. Thanks for visiting!
Amen to that, sister! We can be the game changer in our lives and our families. Praise God that we have that opportunity. Enjoyed your post, sweet friend!
I sure am glad you stopped for a visit Holly. God is so good to push us past the place where we think we are destined to stay. Thank you Lord!
So true, and we all have to fight the trap of the blame game. Loved this line at the end of your post: The responsibility for change lies square in our laps. Too often I find myself merely reacting rather than being proactive. Visiting from Weekend Brew. Enjoy your blog so much!
Hey Ginger! Girl, me too. Wouldn’t it be good if we could change before we had too? We are all a work in progress for sure.
Amen, Carmen! Lets stop the blame game. I’ve always dislike when someone says “Well, that’s just the way they are…” Not so! With God’s help and strength, they – and me, too – can choose to change! Wonderful post!
Thanks Ellen! Changing folks is what God does best. We just need to allow it to happen.
Wonderful post, Carmen, as you encourage many to believe they can change. God is greater than anything which has occurred in our lives & truly we are more than conquerors through Him.
If only we could all believe the this truth – we can do all things with Christ’s help! Thanks Joanne for stopping by.
I agree totally. We can choose to break the past trends. I know many people who have done this. I am a trend breaker myself. Praise God for His redemption.
Hello there fellow trend breaker! So glad you stopped by Debbie.
The blame game is something many people play but no matter how bad the past is or your family history, at some point we all have to take responsibility for our own lives. There is nothing sadder than seeing some over-grown adult still blaming their parents for something that happened years ago. Tapping into the power that the Lord bestows within us gives us all we need to move forward.
Amen Mary!
We live in a society filled with so many hurting people. Many move into adulthood, carrying generations of family dysfunction upon their shoulders, and not realizing that they can be different. I love this quote: “Our lives can be different. We can be the game changer in our family. ” When I am counseling or mentoring, this is a predominant idea I encourage others to accept – but only because I first accepted it myself about my own life. It is hard to break free from our past – but with God all things are possible! Thank you for this wonderful post!
Such wise words Letetia. We must first accept ourselves that we can be healthier before we can help others. I’m so glad you stopped by for a visit. Blessings on your ministry.
The blame game is as old as time. Adam, in Eden, blamed his sinful meal on his wife…then blamed God for giving him the woman! As insane as it seems, people still blame God for the bad in this world when it is clearly the devils doing.
Yes Andrew. It seems so much easier to blame God and others. I’m glad God is helping me to be a game changer in my family. He is helping me to be healthier all the way around. Thanks for visiting.
Carmen, this is a wonderful reminder that we do have to be what our past might indicate. Makes me wonder too – in what ways will my children decide to be game changers in their family? There are things I hope they will change …
Blessings,
Denise
fellow compel member and stopping in from #livefreethursday
Oh I agree Denise. There are many things I wish could be do overs in our family. I trust God to help our daughter do it better with her crew. Thanks for visiting!
We can be the game changer in our family. YES, yes and YES! I love this.
I’m working to be one in my family Suzie. I want to be better for the next generation. Thanks for stopping by for a visit. Blessings my friend.
I loved your post this morning. It describes me. The doctor said I had quite a bit of heart problems, translated by me… I might not live very long with my family history. I prayed the Lord would take care of me, and that I would be a cHristian witness as long as I I live. He gave me peace, and strengthens me everyday. I will join my husband, my son, and all my family and friends in heaven singing for his glory.
Yes indeed Aunt Mattie! God has you here for a reason. Keep witnessing to those around you. Your grands and great grands need you to pray for them. Love you!
Great post, my sister. My dad was an alcoholic who stopped drinking ten years before he died and in that time became a great grand dad and much better dad :) And I thank God for those years for the growing up ones were so violent and scary. BUT GOD!! And the point that you make … we CAN CHANGE and be like CHRIST. But our early years do hamper our growth, leave us with aches we try to fill in ungodly ways and keep us searching for years until our hearts find their rest in GOD ALONE. Tweeted this!! Blessings on your weekend, Carmen.
Shelia thanks so much for sharing your struggle friend. I know it will encourage my readers as it has me. Oh yes, those black holes that hurts leave. They can only be filled by God. May all of our readers reach out to Him before they try to fill them with things that bring more pain. Blessings to you as well.
Let’s take control back of our emotions and actions. I love that, Carmen! What powerful encouragement, and so fitting for a #LiveFree post! Thank you so much for sharing this!
Hey Janet! Controlling our emotions and actions are difficult. We need Jesus for it or we will just melt with fear. Change is hard. Thanks for stopping by neighbor!