When Loving Gazes Become the Stink Eye
“So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.” Galatians 6:9 NLT
Sometimes being married makes me weary. I have to remind myself why staying married is a good idea. Have you ever felt this way?
Relationships can be hard. Marriage brings two very different people together. Family dynamics, personalities, brokenness and baggage all bundle beautifully together in this girl or guy of our dreams. The commercial says “when all eyes are on her, she looking at you” and that’s so true. If we are not careful though loving gazes can become the stink eye fast.
It’s all fun and games until you scorch the eggs (when you didn’t even know that’s what brown on the eggs is called) or someone confuses your birthday with your anniversary (disclaimer – this hasn’t happened to me yet but, I have been known to add a little brown to eggs :) ) Add in trying to schedule holidays, hobbies, work and sex – there is no wonder we just get tired of doing good. I mean, why can’t it just be my way, the way I was raised or what works best for my schedule and my body clock?
After thirty seven years of marriage, some of it just not pretty at all, I have learned that not giving up does reap a harvest of blessings. Can I tell you that if you hang on and work together, opposites really can compliment each other in marvelous ways. We really can unpack that family baggage we brought with us and go from playing house to making a home.
Remind yourself today why you fell in love. It’s easy to forget on the hard days. Dr. Gary Smalley, author of The DNA of Relationships says, “Value the good. As you honor the other person’s uniqueness, as you value his or her differences, even the traits that irritate you – you create a safe place for your relationship to grow.”
Couple talk…
- Why did you choose me?
- Do you feel like I am trying to change “you”?
- How can we value each other’s uniqueness? And, how can we stop minor irritations from escalating into major differences?
Maybe you will enjoy these…
3 Attitudes Worth Remembering In Marriage
How To Recognize A Pot Stirrer In Your Marriage
Sometimes The Best Way To Fight Is To Bend Our Knee
Linking up with Kelly Balarie’s #raralinkup, Holly Barrett’s Testimony Tuesday , Beth Steffaniak’s Wedded Wednesday and Crystal Storms’ Intentional Tuesday
Loving gazes and the stink eye both happen around here! Usually, it’s when one of us is at our wits end and acting cranky. We’re both guilty. But when you value the good, and quit focusing on the rough patches, you get through it. Beautiful post with an attention grabbing title!
Hey Carmen! I’m loving your marriage Mondays! (It’s Saturday, and I’m just getting around to reading it now!!!! I’ve been married just 19 years, so you’ve got 20 years on me, girl! Focusing on the positive is the most im portant thing I can think of. I’m so glad my husband does it when he looks at me!
Thank you Betsy for your support. Marriage Monday’s have stretched me to think more about my own marriage. That’s good. You are so right, trying to stay positive is helpful. When the stink eye comes over me, I try to remember that :)
Carmen, what a beautiful post on marriage. I’m sure my husband has seen my stink eye one time too many. Thank you for inspiring me today to remember why I fell in love!
Sometimes we just have to choose to look back don’t we. If we don’t, we just forget what made our heart melt at the very site of our sweetheart. Good to see you Kim!
So unfortunately, I really relate to this line:”I mean, why can’t it just be my way, the way I was raised or what works best for my schedule and my body clock?” haha… But really, I agree. We’ve been married 17 years this summer, and on one hand, our marriage is better than ever, such a gift and a joy…but on the other hand, it is still hard sometimes. I appreciate your perspective here to keep working at it, and it will reap a harvest of blessings. Thanks for sharing Carmen…#RaRaLinkup
Angela you know that line hit me too. I am thinking it would be so much easier wouldn’t it :) Glad you stopped by.
Hey Carmen, I found your post on Intentional Tuesday. I love the title of this post. Thirty seven years is quite an accomplishment. After 19 years of marriage I get tired of doing good too. I see that you are going to She Speaks 2015. So am I. Maybe we will bump into each other. :)
Oh Kelly I sure hope we get to meet. That would be so fun! Yeah for 19 years! Let’s keep these fellas of ours.
How I approach loving my husband has changed and matured in our 21 years… and it can still be difficult! lol But you’re right, blessings are waiting when I put God first, and then let that spill over into my earthly relationship…
Wonderful post, Carmen, thank you for the encouragement! Visiting from the #RaRaLinkup
Christine marriage is not for sissies sometimes! :) Glad you guys have worked together at it for 21 years. Wonderful!
Carmen, You are truly one of my heroes in life. I aspire to 37 years and yes, everyday I one must remind oneself why we got married and what is unique in the other partner. Love you.
Aww thanks Clarice! Yep, it’s a daily choice. Love you back!
Oh my, how I love the title! Thank you for you honesty also. It can be hard when you’re getting (or giving) the stink eye and reading about everyone else’s airbrushed marriages. Especially doing what we do. I don’t blog about marriage, it’s messy and I have no real insight.
So thank you for this “real” look at 37 years of marriage.
Blessings, Jana
Hey Jana! Here we are, stink eyes and all :) Marriage is messy and it’s real and fun and a whole host of other stuff. Glad you stopped by friend!
Carmen, what a great reminder that marriage isn’t always easy or pretty, but it is worth hanging on to and “not giving up does reap a harvest of blessings.”
I applaud your 37 years of marriage, my friend, and thank you for sharing some hard-earned advice from your heart at #IntentionalTuesday
Thanks Crystal! We will make 38 in June. And you are right girl, some of this experience was hard earned! Blessed to have my fella and glad we are still sharing life together.
There is so much wisdom in this post, Carmen, and 37 years is quite an accomplishment! Marriage is hard work, plain and simple. Our spouse sees the very worst parts of ourselves, the ones we so often try to hide with others. I’m so thankful for my husband’s patience with me and the way God has worked through some of our rough spots. Thanks for sharing such beautiful truth here, friend.
Abby I agree. Our spouses see the ugly sometimes :) Thanks for your kind words and for stopping by!