Because Genuine Relationships Spotlight She More than Me
“It was a beautiful thing that you came alongside me in my troubles.” Philippians 4:14 (MSG)
I looked into her eyes, and I saw pain, not for herself but for me. My dear friend shared my troubles as I have shared hers over the years.
Girlfriends are a necessity, don’t you think? I’m not talking about friends who happen to be girls. I’m talking about Lucy and Ethel, Laverne and Shirley, Monica, Phoebe and Rachel…
They share in our troubles, laugh with us, cry with us, get mad with us, and hold our hands quietly as we mourn. As I stood beside my dad’s casket, Carol sat quietly behind me. She handed me tissues and Altoids without me asking. She just knew.
During times like this, we experienced, in action, what Paul spoke of in Philippians. The beauty of friendship happens when we change our focus from me to she.
In this world of selfies and the emphasis on “me” social media brings, we must be intentional with those around us. Knowing what’s on our friend’s minds is more important than voicing what’s on ours. Social media is fun and a great way to share what God’s doing in our lives. If we are not careful, we will confuse our 700 cyber friends with personal relationships. Did you know there is a “virtual boyfriend” app? “For a monthly fee, you can immediately feel the effects of a rewarding virtual partner.” Rewarding effects?
When we need comfort, our phone, computer, or virtual friend will feel a bit hollow. Our church invites us to come forward for prayer. We hold hands, hug necks, share tears, and pray for each other.
Rick Warren probably said it best on the first page – the first line of his book, The Purpose Driven Life, “It’s not about you.” What? Being selfless doesn’t come naturally for most of us. When Christ tells us in the book of Matthew to deny ourselves and that to save our lives we must lose them, it is not a pleasing thought. I’m not always thrilled when I must do what’s best for our family versus what feels right now. Or what’s best for ministry, or my church, or my friend, or…for God.
When we awaken to the truth of true friendship, we can see that it’s not about us; it’s about Him. Placing life in that order means that when I think I have lost, I have really gained.
Carmen, I don’t always leave a comment but I love every article. Friendship is not an easy topic for me but I love the ideas behind it. My husband was military man and he held rank. I had very few friends during our military time.. In fact I can count on my fingers and they are still my true go to friends from Alaska, Germany and NY. (They were women that I worked with). Being a pastors wife was even harder… as far as friends go. I love you tons and I count you as a friend. Infact the folks from Rocky Branch are still my friends.
Hey, friend! Thank you for sharing your heart. I can only imagine the complexity of friendships for those in the military. I’ve often heard that if we have a few really good friends we are indeed blessed. Big hugs!
Loving this –> “Looking for the God factor shakes us out of the stupor of self absorption where we are most comfortable.” He so easily shapes our focus into something more pin-point, yet broader. Right regardless. He’s been faithful to shake me out of my stupor every.single.time. Praise You, God!
And, there’s an app for virtual boyfriends?! Wow…..
Beautiful read, my friend. :-)
Yes ma’am Kristi. How do you hold that fella’s hand? Thanks for stopping by. I appreciate you.
Beautiful! The value of close face to face friendships is huge. We were created for relationships, and I love how you point to the fact that it’s not about my friend makes me feel. It’s just not about me. That’s true for every great relationship. Oh, if we could only remember and apply. Blessings!
I so agree Deb. Friendships add such value to our lives. Come back soon for a visit! Blessings to you.
“It really is more important to know what’s on our friends minds instead of voicing what’s on ours.” Yes. You nailed this. We all just want to be heard. Cheering on your words Carmen. You are loving souls effectively.
Kelly you are such a kind soul. You encourage me so often. May you feel God’s pleasure as you spread your gift of encouragement to so many. Blessings friend!
Where would we be without girlfriends. I have two that are my life lines and many others that I have met that I cherish. What a great post. Blessings Diana
I too have several that I call best girlfriends Diana. They have supported me over the years and are such blessings. Thanks for visiting :)
You are so right, Carmen. It is more rewarding to focus on others and practice the humility we see in Jesus, and I don’t know what I’d do without those special friendships I’ve made over the years. The Purpose Driven Life led me to Christ, so that book will always hold a special place in my heart. That first chapter wrecked me in the best way. Thanks so much for sharing your heart here.
Abby that is such a great testimony about Pastor Warren’s book. I loved it and continue to remember little tidbits years later. Blessings to you friend!
Another beautifully written article Carmen. The human ego in each of us is “me”; the spirit in each of us, the “we”. It is one of the easiest ways to contrast and better know when I am being spritually driven (i.e. following the path God has laid before me), vs wallowing in the (LOVE this!) . . “stupor of self absorption” and wondering when things are going to work out the way I thnk they ought to! Keep on reminding me girl! Hugs!
Hugs back to you Phyllis! Thank you for taking the time to visit. You always have such interesting thoughts. Love you!
Yes, yes yes! It’s all about Him. Thanks for the reminder. I am your neighbor at Testimony Tuesday.
Hey neighbor! We all need that reminder. It’s just so easy to make it about us, isn’t it? Come see me again!
Carmen – what wonderful words! You have such a heart for Jesus and it shines through every post. I am finally blessed with a wonderful girl friend who can support me and share those tough moments. As she is staying with me and my husband as her husband is in hospital, I am learning what it means to take my eyes of my help and support my friend. God is so good. Thank you for sharing as always! God bless!
Such a special opportunity to just love on your friend in this time of need. I know she appreciates you. Hope her husband continues to heal. Thanks for stopping by. Blessings to you!
Thank you Carmen, for such a lovely post. I am so thankful for my “Ethel” (or is she Lucy, and I’m Ethel?) We have been close friends through thick and thin for 10 years. I have two other friends who live on the other side of the world, but I’ve known them 30 years!
I’m so thankful, but this is such a good reminder not to focus on myself and make our friendship about my needs getting met. This helps me to give my friends the benefit of the doubt when they can’t come through for me quite as I’d like.
I’m so glad you were encouraged. Maybe you girls swap up the roles of Lucy and Ethel :) Sounds like there was much camaraderie involved no matter what. Blessings friend.
I was thinking how hollow electronics seem when compared to real relationships, and in the next line that is what you wrote. Needless to say, I’m saying “Amen Carmen!” from my small town in Nebraska! Technology has changed so rapidly in the last ten years, and I think we are still figuring out how to use it for the glory of God and not the destruction of relationships. These reminders you give us to nourish our Lucy and Ethel friendships (love that comparison by the way) are so necessary. God bless you, friend! As always, so grateful for your words.
And, I am grateful for your friendship Jenni! It’s always good to visit with you. Blessings friend!
I thank God for my special friends. Enjoyed your words. Have a wonderful day!!
Good friends are such a blessing. Glad you stopped by Sharon!
Well said. Times they have changed. We have become more self-absorbed than ever. Too focused on our little worlds and not enough on others or on what God has called us to do.
Thanks Mary for stopping by. Times are definitely different friend. Come again soon!
“The stupor of self-absorption, where we are most comfortable…” Ouch! And yet, I needed to read these words today! It’s time to get out of THAT comfort zone and live fully awake in Him! Beautiful post, thanks Carmen!
Thank you friend for your kind words. I love when you visit my little corner of the web.
Great reminder to focus on others instead of ourselves. Wow, this really spoke to me. Thank you so much for the reminder to be asking our friends how they are doing.
Aww Kortney I am so glad you were touched. Thanks for stopping by for a visit.
Amen! I’ve never had the privilege of living geographically close to girlfriends such as you describe, but I know that the small group of gals that I’m closets to are always there for me–to pray with me, to celebrate with me and to help bear my burdens by coming alongside. I love the reminder that ‘she’ should be our focus, and not ‘me.’
Glad you stopped by Anita! Girlfriends make life fun. It sounds like you have some good ones. Come see me again soon!