Why does forgiveness feel so risky
I’m not normally a #risktaker. Almost every conceived scenario in any given situation can flood my mind. Safe and comfortable is where I like to be.
But…Forgiveness is risky business. And, I have decided it’s worth the risk.
Sometimes I ask myself why. It makes me feel so vulnerable. My heart feels exposed, naked, stripped of the protection unforgiveness offers. When you have been wounded it feels so much safer to be wrapped in the fabric of anger and resentment. As I have worked through some of these tender spots in my own heart, I have uncovered a few things that makes forgiveness seem so chancy and I wonder if you might feel the same way.
We fear we are excusing the offense. I understand. I have felt that way too. If I let you off this hook I have you on, you just might think what you did to me was OK. I don’t want you to EVER forget how you hurt me, let me down or broke my heart. What I am learning is that forgiveness is not about excusing. Forgiveness is about relinquishing my right to get even. You have heard it so many times – it’s more for us than them. We will need someone to extend forgiveness to us one day – I promise.
We fear we will be hurt again. Yep. But forgiveness is really about the past – letting it go. Trust is about the future. People earn trust. They don’t have to earn forgiveness. God didn’t require it of us so we shouldn’t require it of others. It is OK to require someone to prove themselves trustworthy. Let’s remember though, “… (love) Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others. (1 Corinthians 13:5 MSG)
We fear being judged by others. Why? Because we have judged others. We have sat in our tidy lives and looked at the messiness of others and decided we knew just how we would handle their issue. And, we will probably be judged for forgiving. I wish I could say it won’t happen. It will. Forgive them. They don’t understand. You didn’t.
Why is forgiveness worth the risk? How did choosing it change me? Let me name a few…
It placed me in a position that reminds me of my continual need for God. Forgiving is a process. When we forgive, we don’t receive a lobotomy. We don’t forget. On some days we must choose it hourly. And, without the Holy Spirit, we will never be able to move past the hurt. Like the old hymn says, “I need thee, O I need thee; every hour I need thee…”
I better understand what “peace that passes understanding” really means. You know those moments of calm, those nights when you can rest and you don’t understand why? There really can be peace in the valley. We can’t explain it but we know God is there and He’s got this.
I became less judgmental. I hope I will never again form an opinion on another person’s circumstance without remembering that I do not have all the details and I don’t really know what I would do because I’m not walking their path.
Take it from this daredevil. Choosing forgiveness will never be easy. It will change you. Are you willing to take the risk?
Lord, can we turn our hurts over to You? Can we trust you to handle the messiness of our lives and heal our brokenness? We need to forgive_______________. Please help us remember that we didn’t earn the forgiveness You freely gave to us and we can’t put a price on the forgiveness we give others. We can’t do this on our own. We want revenge! Help us dear Jesus. You are the expert on forgiving. Empower us to take the risk. In the powerful name of Jesus, Amen.
I am linking up with Suzie Eller of Proverbs 31 Ministries as she explores taking risks in our lives, Barbie Swihart at The Weekend Brew, Jennifer Dukes Lee at Tell His Story and Holly Barrett’s Testimony Tuesday. Join us there…
You nailed it. I also find it much easier to forgive myself when I have forgiven others.
So true Cathy. Forgiving our own failings are so difficult. Thanks for stopping by!
Carmen, this was wonderful! When we fear we’ll excuse the offense is what I hold on to! And by holding on, I put shackles on my wrists. There is so much freedom in forgiveness, if we will surrender our hurts to Christ!
Loved this post.
Ellen you made me laugh when you sent the message about posting twice. I love that you stopped by and enjoyed the post that much. You are a dear.
“We fear we will excuse the offense.” Oh how true! But when we surrender that to Christ, and trust Him to take care of the offense and offender, what freedom we find! Thanks for sharing!
Thank you Ellen my friend. How did I miss you comment? Yes, freedom!
Carmen, thanks for writing on this important topic. Forgiveness is so crucial to freedom in Christ, isn’t it? And it’s something we deal with daily in real life. Every. day.
(And by the way, I love your newly tweaked “about” page. I couldn’t leave a comment there, so I’ll do it here.) Have a great week.
Thank you Betsy for visiting both pages. I always appreciate your thoughts on my writing. Forgiveness is a crucial component to freedom. Without it, we are truly in bondage to our hurt.
Such a good reminder of the power of forgiveness in our lives, Carmen. Yes, it’s hard, but so worth the freedom it offers. I love the conciseness of your points.
Forgiveness and freedom. They really do go hand in hand Julie. We don’t see that sometimes. Our hurt clouds our vision. Thank you for your kind words. I sure am glad you visited today.
Some say I forgive much too easily. But what I find is my unforegiveness rears its ugly head weeks or months later and then it’s harder to go back and deal with it. And, what’s this about mineral makeup? No! I love mine!
Ha! I love my makeup too. This silly brain of mine started thinking about all that powder on every surface of my bathroom and I think, does my lungs look like this? I too forgive easily and I understand what you are talking about. I tend to do the right thing and then the struggle begins within me to keep on doing it. If the offense is great, it can take a while to be able to say you are actually walking in forgiveness.
Forgiveness is a tricky thing! I’m a person who usually forgives pretty easily. But there are also times when I really have a hard time forgiving too.
Tara, the pleaser in me has always struggle with the difference between forgiving and trusting. I am getting much better with boundaries. I’m glad God wants us to forgive others so much that He is always there to help us move forward. Thanks for visiting!
What a great post! Forgiveness is risky because we’re giving up a sense of control. But really, God forgives us freely, and He is the One who would have the right to control us. But he doesn’t. He forgives and gives us the free will to hurt him again because he loves us. That’s what love does.
So glad I stopped by from the weekend brew!
Asheritah thanks for visiting. Great point about our sense of control. I always remind myself that I don’t really control much in my life. Thank God He controls it all.
Great job, Friend! Well written and very timely!!!!
I’m glad you stopped by Norah! I am always so thankful when God puts just the right words in my heart to encourage others.
Carmen, solid as a rock! How long it sometimes takes, and how often we have to remind ourselves that we do not have all of the information; and (though you touched on many excellent benefits) this all by itself is fine enough reason not to judge others! Psychologists who care to be transparent about their craft tell us that we become happier and more peaceful human beings in direct proportion and speed to our relinquishment of judgment. Plus, for me, not judging requires humility and rightsizing of my ego, which enables a clearer and more powerful connection to God. Love you, love your writing.
Thank you Phil. I always enjoy your comments and look forward to your visits. The self-righteousness in me wants to point fingers sometimes. More and more God is showing me that all the finger pointing belongs to Him. I heard something recently that I really love and have found to be true. We judge ourselves on our intentions and others on their actions. Help me Lord. Love you right back!
Carmen, this is so good. Yes, I do know the healing power of forgiveness, but as you said sometimes it can be an hourly process. I’m so glad that God is patient with me, even when I’m not patient with myself. I loved this post. Thank you so much for sharing your heart.
Abby, thank you for your encouragement. Forgiveness is often so difficult. Sometimes I want to pray some of those prayers David did in the Psalms. Whew, he could pray some fire down on his enemies :) Then….I remember, I have messed up too and I want mercy. I’m glad you stopped by. Come again soon.
Carmen, what a powerful post. You hit on every roadblock that can stand in the way of healing through the power of forgiveness. Thank you so much for being so transparent. This is beautiful.
Thank you Suzie. And, thank you for allowing me to be apart of a wonderful day of celebrating the courage we have for taking some risks. I’m glad you stopped by for a visit. Come back again soon.