One thing I knew, I needed God to heal me.

When we last visited, I shared a dark time in my life and how physical illness can usher in depression. I also promised to share how God performed a miracle in my mind and body.

I am a church girl. It didn’t matter if I went with my mom, grandmother or rode the church bus, I was there. It amazes me to think that I had grown up in church but had such a superficial relationship with God. I had spent years teaching yet only read the Bible when I was studying for a lesson. When this illness hit me like a Mack truck, I felt like I had no foundation. When you are at your wits end and you are feeling hopeless, you grasp for anything or anybody that might just bring relief. During those wilderness months, I grew a hunger for God’s Word, prayer and listening to every sermon I could find.  All the energy I could muster was focused on being healed.

As I look back now I see where God was using this situation to draw me closer to Him.

Only God knows why things happen the way they do.

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the LORD. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.” Isaiah 55:8 (NLT)

God’s ways change and how He work varies from person to person and situation to situation. If they didn’t we’d all be spitting in the mud or dunking seven times in a river somewhere. He has proven over and over that He will decide the hows. My healing was a process. He was working with me on it over those months but I distinctly remember a change happened one day – in the bathtub.

As I sat in the warm water and cried like a baby, the reality of my situation was overwhelming. It was a Sunday morning and my family had already left for church. I rarely went. It took every bit of my energy to bath and dress. The television was on in the bedroom – tuned to Christian Sunday morning broadcasting.

I was begging God. Please heal me. Why haven’t you healed me? Where are You? If my daughter needed healing and I had the power, I would heal her! 

Please tell me I’m not alone. Haven’t you felt this way? Have you ever asked God the hard questions that almost seem disrespectful. I mean, good church girls don’t interrogate God, right?

As I stood in our bedroom and looked at the television, Gloria Copeland was teaching on healing. I stopped to listen because I needed what she was giving – a word from God. I’m just going to be transparent here. I didn’t check her credentials or study her theology. I didn’t really even know who she was. When we are desperate before God, we are willing to do what we have never done to get something we have never had. I listened and hoped that God had a word for me and He was going to use her to give it.

As she finished teaching on healing and miracles, she asked those of us who needed a healing to raise our hand, pray with her and receive what God had for us. I raised my hand and with all the faith I could muster, I said, “God I know you are going to heal me. I receive it in the mighty name of Jesus.”

I would like to say I walked away that morning with no symptoms of my illness. I can’t. What I walked away with was peace. From that day forward, I felt a little better every day. I grew stronger and had less fear. I began to smile again. I continued to read, pray and seek. I went to a specialist who diagnosed me correctly with a viral illness that settled in the muscles around my heart. The only lasting effects I have today is a premature beat that most often shows up when I am stressed or extremely fatigued.

I don’t understand why some of us are healed and some of us are not. I don’t understand why some of us seem to never get sick while some of us struggle with health issues every day. What I do know is that God does still perform miracles. I don’t always know if He will, but I always know He can.

Do you need healing today? May I pray for you?

Dear loving Father,

We come to you with thanksgiving realizing that because of what You did for us on Calvary we can come to You as a child would come to her dad. We need healing Lord. You are the Great Physician. We lay our hearts, bodies, children, marriages – our very lives before You. We believe You are who You say You are and can do what You say You can do. When we doubt, help us overcome our doubts. “And he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace, and be healed of your disease. Mark 5:34 (ESV) Heal us Lord. We asked all these things in the mighty name of Jesus! Amen

If you missed the first post in my healing story, hop over here…

I am linking up with Holly Barrett’s Testimony Tuesday, Holley Gerth , Meredith Bernard-Women2Woman , Barbie at The Weekend Brew and Laura at Faith Filled Friday.