Carmen Horne

New Lens, New Life

A Prayer for Your Broken Relationship with Your Mom

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Do you remember when you said you wouldn’t parent like your parents? Yeah, me too.

Like that time I got a spankin’ for dustin’ myself with the flesh colored face powder (after my bath) and Momma thought I had skipped getting in the water. Or when she would pinch my leg in church service because I was talking too much. Yikes.

Our girl has had a few near traumatic events. Unless she brings up “slip” and “dress”, I never speak those words together in her presence. This is possibly one of my most humiliating moments as a mother. Well, except the time I nearly knocked her unconscious putting her in the car seat, or when I missed the straight pins in the underarms of her little dress. Each time I picked her up to find out why she was crying…yep.

Momma-ing can be terrifying. We love this little thing so much and we realize our messups could possibly land us on a day time talk show. 

Like most families, my relationship with Mom went through a few stressful times. Her actions confounded me and with self-righteousness, I dispensed grace frugally. Writing these words sting my heart because we could have handled those circumstances so much better. 

May 2nd, a year ago, my sassy Momma went to live with Jesus. As I reminisce, my heart is easily filled with grace over her mistakes.  You know, I hardly remember her mistakes. I mostly remember her unique, accepting, and loving personality. I am very thankful God gave me to her. She was my longest and dearest friend.

All relationships have difficult times. As I listen to women discuss their pain over broken connections, I am reminded of how important mommas are to their children.

Is your relationship with your mom complicated? If so, maybe a change of perspective would help. I’m not speaking of negating pain and hurt. I’m speaking of looking at them from a different lens.

These reminders don’t fit every momma, but they might help you see yours in a different light.

A few reminders about our mommas:

♥ She did the best she could with the resources and information she had. 

♥ She didn’t have a perfect momma either.

♥ She regrets her mistakes – even the small ones. 

There are so many factors that shape our response to events and circumstances in our lives. Our upbringing, personal choices, genetics, and spiritual environments form us. Just like you and I, our mommas were molded by their experiences.  These factors don’t excuse bad and unhealthy behavior, but they can help us understand each other better. Here’s a bit of hard truth: We judge others by their actions. We judge ourselves by our intentions. 

I discovered the benefits of this kind of change in perspective with my dad. I asked God to help me see his positive character traits instead of the running list of negative ones I had cultivated through the years. Over time, God answered those prayers. God answers all prayers that are His will. Living in peace is His will (Romans 12:18). Honoring our parents is His will (Exodus 20:12). Forgiving others is His will (Matthew 6:14; Ephesians 4:32). Having an abundant, overflowing life is His will (John 10:10). 

My hope is that we can surround our tender hearts with healthy boundaries and release old hurts to Jesus, the great Recycler of pain. 

How do we release the pain of our past and receive the freedom available to us? Prayer is the best place to start. 

Do you struggle with the words to begin? When we are out of words, a gentle invitation to join in prayer with someone else is comforting and powerful. (Matthew 18:19) 

A prayer invitation for those who have broken relationships with their parents:

Abba Father, My home life was difficult and far away from a “Leave it to Beaver” image. I ask You to be mother and father to me. Hide me under Your wings. Replace hurtful proclamations made by broken people with Your words of life and hope. Heal my painful memories. Guide me into forgiveness. Reveal the good when all I see is bad. Fill my hearts with compassion. Orchestrate divine opportunities for me to use my pain to help others. 

Open my eyes to the deception of Satan, the true author of lies and heartbreak. He is the enemy of my soul.  I invite You, Lord, into the messiness of my life. I release all bitterness, resentment, anger, and pride and lay it at Your feet. Hang on tight to it, Lord, when I want to pick it back up. Forgive my sins and help me be better instead of bitter.

I ask You to break every stronghold and generational sin in my family. I believe and declare our family belongs to You, Lord.

I’m a new creation. I am putting away the old and embracing the new. O Holy Spirit, empower me to rise above my circumstances and live an abundant life. Because of Jesus’ death and resurrection, I am free! My future is filled with hope. I ask all of this in the mighty name of Jesus, Amen!

Photo by Briana Tozour on Unsplash

Grace and peace to you, friend,




When Mother’s Day Changes

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So, I’ve been in the middle of a whirlwind. My sweet little Momma was diagnosed with cancer just about a month ago and moved in with Jesus three weeks after her diagnosis. As you can imagine, this is a different kind of Mother’s Day for me. 

As I type, I still feel a bit breathless from it all. We moved her in to our home and she was here only two weeks before she moved out to live with Jesus. 

There are so many things to say. The right things to say. Like how we didn’t lose her, we know where she is. Like God has a perfect timing, His ways are higher, and we trust God’s perfect plan for her and all of us who love her. How we will see her again one day. That she left more memories than we can hardly recount because she lived life. She wasn’t a wall sitter. Mom lived and loved to the fullest. All that good, right, and encouraging stuff. 

But friends, I miss my Momma. I type with a lump in my throat as I sit at my desk in “her room” in our home. Her slippers on the floor and her death certificate on the desk. 

Momma did what mommas do best. She helped us navigate her last days much easier. She admitted herself to hospice, she made her funeral plans, and spent the rest of her time letting all of us know how much she loved us and how thankful she was for God’s grace and mercy. I kissed her forehead countless times and told her how much I loved her over and over. 

She shared her gratitude for a wonderful life. How she had done everything she really ever wanted to do. Talk of heaven and how wonderful it would be was ever-present on her lips. 

In her final days she shared how an angel was sleeping with her. She glowed when she talked about how much peace God brought her as her angel snuggled up with her. Y’all, God is so compassionate and kind. He loves us so. Although we could not see her Comforter, she felt Him. She knew He was there and that brought us all comfort. 

                   Iris Marie “Cookie” Daniel Walter July 25, 1941 – May 2, 2018

What will I do about today? I will enjoy every moment with my daughter. I will probably cry a little and try to remember that my Momma is with her Momma for the first time in many years on Mother’s Day. I will live life to its fullest because that’s what she did. Maybe we will tell a funny memory of her, like the time she danced on the table at Joe’s Crab Shack in Destin, FL on her birthday. Or when she asked me “Am I going to have to do homework?” if she attended a study I was leading. When I said there was a workbook she said, “I never did like homework. I like it even less now. I’ll just stay home and read my Bible and you catch me up on what Beth {Moore} says about it.”

We don’t grieve without hope. 

The Hope of the Resurrection
13 And now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died so you will not grieve like people who have no hope. 14 For since we believe that Jesus died and was raised to life again, we also believe that when Jesus returns, God will bring back with him the believers who have died.

15 We tell you this directly from the Lord: We who are still living when the Lord returns will not meet him ahead of those who have died. 16 For the Lord himself will come down from heaven with a commanding shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trumpet call of God. First, the believers who have died will rise from their graves. 17 Then, together with them, we who are still alive and remain on the earth will be caught up in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. Then we will be with the Lord forever. 18 So encourage each other with these words. 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 NLT

I will see my sassy Momma again. 

You can read a letter she wrote to her younger self almost three years ago HERE As I re-read it I am amazed at her own gift for writing. I edited it very little when it came to content. Only when she repeated herself. You do that in eight pages! And, to read her replies to the comments. Those are just pure gold to my heart.